Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Looking through the rearview mirror

So from my previous post you know I am due for my surgery on Thursday. A total hysterectomy. I wanted to do this blog entry before then while my emotions are still raw.

One thing I did not anticipate was the unsolicited advice I would receive. I know intentions were out of love and the need to comfort me. Coming from the community of people it did I was surprised. 

As a person with Rheumatoid Arthritis when my body is screaming in pain on the inside I may look my prettiest on the outside. A common comment from a stranger is "you don't look sick". People not understanding is a constant compalint from almost everyone with an invisible illness. 

I have always been an open book with my illness, treatments, and struggles. I do have a blog right? This is the first time I have not felt supported by the masses. Don't get me wrong my friends and family have been amazing. Let me explain myself a bit more. 

My uterus is the only part of my body RA has not sunk it's teeth into. My lady parts are healthy. I have never had pain or cramps. My cyle was always on time and never beyond a few days. I am one of the lucky ones. Everything there is perfect. 

These last few months I've had a 4.8 cm cyst in my right fallopian tube. Your fallopian tube measures .06 to 1.2 cm so you can imagine the pain I am in. This being the first problem I've had it was a shoker that I am going to lose everything. It's a decision that was not made lightly, trust me. What it comes down to is me having a 85-100% of getting uteran, ovarian, or cervical cancer. Since the doctor has to go in there anyway we are going forward with the procedure. We took into consideration my age, my disease, my risk of surgery being high, having more kids, etc. With that said I still feel like my body made the decision for me and I am still accepting that.

Usually I can let comments just roll of my back. Not this time. I am writing to change your perspective. 

Here I am with my healthy lady parts and all everyone is saying is "its the best decision I ever made". Um HELLO. I am healthy. I told you that. Are you not listening? Stop saying that! 

These people that are assuming that I will think this is the best decision ever are the SAME people that complain about so called ignorant comments made about their RA. The SAME people. You would think if anyone they would get it. Nope.

So I guess the point I want to get across is the next time someone says something that you take as not understanding your RA remember this blog post. Know they they are just trying to comfort you like you were to me. 


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